To My Son's Father
The love I have for my son cannot compare to the hate that sometimes I wish I had for you
Never did
Never will
Willingly I supplied you with my time
Blinded by the sweet words an intimacy
In time I was able to see that your attraction to me was only inside the parameters you deemed comfortable
Unconditional love superficially placed
Something bout a thick chic with a cute face
Too thick
For anything more than a sexual taste
Laced with the poison of rejection I declined your erections
The direction of my decisions caused us to go our separate ways 8 month phone call Calling it a mistake
Calling it like it never happened
Calling me a hoe
Telling me that no you weren't interested in raising a kid
You 19 left me 16
Disgraced
Pregnant
But blessed
The best gift of life came from a man who can't stand me
To my son's father
Your failed attempts to break me have made me stronger
But I wish you knew for a second what it's like raising a child with a disability
I wish you were in the office with me when doctors said our child would never walk
I wish you felt your heart stop when you heard 18 was the age you would bury your child
Seems wild
Maybe if our child had a different mother
You would have made another attempt at being the father he needed
My heart bleeded knowing the first time meeting my 6 year old child conceded he was yours
Your potential to be a magnificent father was strangled by your inability to grow up
I gave up fighting you when I understood your mentality had you enslaved
I wish you desired to save our child
I wish you knew him like he knew you
Like he knew your name
Like he knew your face
Even though you never called
I never showed him any trace of
Anger hurt or hate
I respected you as the donor you proved to be
See
There's no gage or merit for good parenting
We were both simple kids trying a ting
Trying to wing myself through the stereotypes of this life
Do you know how many nights it came close to the end
When sleeping in hospital beds became a regular trend
To my sons father
I forgive you
I forgive you
I'm sorry please forgive me
I forgive you
More than anything sometimes
I wish I could mourn his death with you
You let me go through everything as a single parent for 8 years
Tears flow over the moments
I had but you never got
Not even his last moments convinced you to show up to his funeral
I want you to know
That I wanted you there
It would have been the final moment we shared
I wish you cared
Your silence on the matter brings this chapter to a close
I wish you that deep penetrating peace that only God knows
This journey has timeless lessons that release when experience shows
Forgiveness is attainable
If constant love and understanding Flow
Reflection & Context
This piece is written from the place where grief, forgiveness, and unfinished relationship collide. It speaks from the voice of a mother addressing the father of her child — not from bitterness, but from the long road of carrying responsibility alone, navigating abandonment, disability, loss, and the silence that follows tragedy.
It holds the tension of loving a child fiercely while grieving what was never shared: the appointments, the hospital rooms, the milestones, the fear, the hope, the final goodbye. It names the ache of raising a child without the presence of the one who helped create him, and the deeper ache of losing that child without the other parent standing beside you.
At its core, this poem is about the radical, costly work of forgiveness — not as approval, not as forgetting, but as release. It is about choosing peace over resentment, surrender over bitterness, and trusting God to hold what human relationships could not repair.
Reflection Prompt
What does forgiveness look like when the other person never shows up?
How do you grieve what was lost while also releasing what will never be restored?
Original Performance
This piece was originally performed as part of the Lips & Poetry series, where spoken word meets lived experience. Watch the original recording below to hear the rhythm, breath, and emotion that first carried these words.