The wait is worth the journey
I yearn to see the look on my husbands face
As we embrace
And the taste of honey is left on his lips
im equipped to take this ride
Yet it would be a lie if I said this wait was easy
Please be kind as you judge someone else’s journey
thinking that the hunger for love came from anything other than destroyed childhoods hidden in cheap sheets and covered with shame
Lame choices choosing to capture innocence
I’ve been in a sense tormented by what was taken from me
But God Restores
From the store house of justice
He has replenished and I have trusted
His plan his timing his guidance
To guide me to a man healed and loved
Not broken, insecure and lacking in emotional intelligence.
Intelligently what I’ve been seeking for
He has prepared me for all the more
To show up with a heart willing to be submitted
A desire to be committed
A helpmate with similar goals
Save souls
I play a role in a picture far greater than I have eyes to see
Therefore I can’t let my destiny be altered by temptation
Tempted by what once had me in a mental lock
Blocking all wisdom when the high came and then I came and then goodbye came
Although I was numb to the emptiness that followed
I was a bum for more joy
Joyfully addicted I ignored all attempts to break free
That’s when Jesus saved me
It took his people 40 years to rid themselves of their destructive thoughts and many died in the lies they held on to
To be on year 10 of abstaining after years of abuse is wild
I smile at people who’ve had shorter processing times
I’m processing mine in a way that has been designed to make me stronger
But Lately it feels like I couldn’t be wronger
I’ve been given a second chance to do this right
It’s a tight spot between thoughts of what my body feels like it’s missing and what was previously taken that I want the ability to give freely without the sway of slick words, or drunken spirits of trauma and hurt
Flirting my way through immorality
Until the vitality of good seeds planted
Subdued my appetite and traded hurts for hearts and compassion for those still trapped in a life so devastatingly tumultuous
I prayed for the desire to be stayed and spent many years in peace but this reconnection has me wanting to reconnect to a life I left behind
Mind you I have nothing to hide
I’ve been siding with the secrets of the night in an attempt to feel
Whispers of I love you remind me of what I gave up
I stayed up typing swiping as he’s wiping
Wishing life wasn’t really tryna teach me about self control
Im not physically engaged
But mentally and emotionally this has me caged
As a man thinketh
As a fool drinketh
Filled with the lustful desire and inquires of the cost of my soul
How can there be a cost for what was already paid off?
One tiny seed of doubt planted
Suddenly what quenched I’ve distanced myself from in exchange for the stench of temporary pleasure
I’ve measured this wait and the long suffering is deeply dancing on my heart and mind weighing me down thinking when will it be my time?
Time doesn’t exist to God in the same way it does to us
What we might think is an impossible wait
Is a simple glace at fate
A once incurable life blossoming
A clear mind and full heart
A new start to an expedition worth every truth
The good, the bad, the tempting and the controlled
Mold me to who I’m meant to be
This time, don’t take temptation away
Teach me to be whole
Teach my soul to feel but not sin
Teach me how to win
Because the wait is worth the journey
