I wasn’t there for the fall from grace
But I need to know there’s a place I can go where God still loves me even after the sin has entered in
Did they cry?
Did they cry with real tears in their eyes when they realized that they caused separation on a level they’ll never even begin to comprehend
For years we pray and try to mend the broken hearts of society
As it worsens
As sin lends itself to hearts minds and spirits
Entangling innocence on its path of destruction
Show me the Instructions on how to love, live and be in a world that has only self imposed ideologies to influence me to stay disconnected to the connector and lover of my soul
It’s the reason Paul says for the good that I want to do, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want
Wanting to do better but out of fear of consequences versus revelation of his love and generosity
Generously he holds me when I fail
Cradles me as a the uncontrollable tears flow at the engagement and participation in destroying my own soul
Will my destiny still stand if I can’t even resist the requests of man?
How can I be a word bearer
Knowledge carrier
A light in times way scarier
If I have been caught
Taught and humbled
a stumble maybe but one that should never be
Especially not living with wisdom greater than me
Jesus will you still save me?
They say you don’t exist but I’ve experienced you
You will save me won’t you?
You have the love I seem to lack
With the ability to warm the plaques of trauma I keep returning to
Why do I not push for better for myself
Why is my self worth not ingrained
My memories stained with rejection
They say it’s a blessing to be alive
I try
I lie
I sigh
I need to understand that dying to self everyday is a choice
But choosing to live perfect is a storm waiting to erupt
Waiting to disrupt that beautiful dystopia of love I’ve built
Building a life where ending it is not always the go to answer
Answer me why is love so two sided?
Love is beautiful but can also be a bitter poison to drink when the sink is full to the brim with yesterdays water
I sought the birthright of peace as a daughter
But it feels like I’m loosing the race
I face temporary temptation turning the temperature towards a taste that typically ends in disgrace
Traced the waste of my words to the root and understanding
Placed my plates to signify that I’d rather keep dying to sin than letting the opposite win
Winning souls but starting with mine
Please show me a sign that everything will be ok
Occasionally I may fall
Occasionally my heart may stall
But to you repeatedly I will give my all knowing that the shame can only have one person to blame but the cost of the cross has paid a bill I was never truly prepared to pay
He made a way
Where even the wayward have a choice
It’s free but may cost our soul
Sold out or soiled out
The fall from grace has placed a burden on my heart to do right
Right from the start
Starting to think maybe the fear was greater than truth
The truth is that God is not sittin waiting and ready to punish at the drop of sin
If anything he wants us to let him in
In his care
He will always be there
As long as we continue to show up and choose him
Dear father, today I need you
