Excerpt
This topic came up unexpectedly—because I’ve had a few moments where I almost found myself in a side chick situation. And I didn’t walk into it thinking, I’m about to take somebody’s man. In both cases, it started as friendship first… and then feelings tried to grow where boundaries should’ve stayed firm.
What I’m realizing is that so many women don’t enter these situations intentionally. Sometimes it’s heartbreak that makes you careless. Sometimes it’s loneliness. Sometimes it’s the temporary “high” of attention that quiets the pain for a moment—until reality hits and you remember: they have somewhere else to go. They have someone else to go home to.
And that’s where the questions start to get loud: Why am I accepting this? What am I trying to numb? What am I afraid I won’t find?
This conversation isn’t about spilling tea. It’s about healing—about learning how to grieve what ended, how to stop settling in secret, and how to return to yourself with honesty before you lose yourself again.
Reflection
I wanted to talk about this because I’ve seen how easy it is for a woman to judge a situation she’s never been close to… until she’s close to it.
I’ve learned that grief can make you reckless. When a relationship ends—especially when it ends because of betrayal—you don’t just lose the person. You lose the future you pictured. You lose the version of yourself that believed it would work. And if I don’t take time to process that loss, I can end up trying to replace it.
I’ve watched how “hot girl” culture can look like freedom, but it can also be avoidance. It can keep me entertained while my heart stays unhealed. And when I don’t soul-search, I start accepting crumbs in places where I should be requiring covenant.
Something my best friend said stayed with me: you can enjoy someone’s company, you can feel the chemistry, you can even convince yourself you don’t care who they go home to—until you do. Until you want to be chosen. Until you want consistency. Until you realize you’re building emotional attachment in a place that can never give you the safety you crave.
And I had to face an uncomfortable truth: some of my lowest choices weren’t because God was punishing me. They were because I wasn’t letting God heal me. I wasn’t guarding my boundaries. I wasn’t honoring my own standards.
God has interrupted me before—He’s told me to cut things off even when nothing “big” happened, because He could see where it was going. And obedience has saved me from becoming someone I don’t want to be.
I’m learning that I can’t keep calling it “just a gray area” if my spirit is already being pulled into compromise. I don’t want a love that makes me small, secret, or split. I want the kind of love that matches my healing, my values, and my God.
Prompts
Have you ever felt tempted to accept less because you were hurt or afraid to be alone?
What emotions do you try to numb when you seek attention, affection, or quick connection?
Where do you notice “gray areas” showing up in your boundaries right now?
What standard do you need to return to—even if it means walking away from something that feels good temporarily?
What would healing look like before you start loving again?
Listen
Listen to the episode.