Excerpt
I didn’t grow up in an environment that taught positivity. Negativity was normal—so normal it felt like reality. With my mom carrying PTSD, it was like we lived in a constant war mindset, bracing for the worst even when nothing was happening.
But now, at 34, I’ve been unlearning that. I’m realizing I don’t have to live every day like the world is ending. I can live in love, peace, joy—and even when I don’t feel those things, I can still have hope for them.
One of the biggest shifts has been prayer. Real prayer. Consistent prayer. There’s something that happens when I keep showing up with God day after day—my perception changes. My standards change. My identity gets rebuilt.
I’ve started believing I don’t have to accept crumbs to feel chosen. I don’t have to stay in situations that make me feel lower than. I deserve love—not because I earned it, but because I’m precious to God.
And what’s inside of me matters more than anything that fades.
Reflection
I think what hits me most is realizing how long I lived on autopilot—reacting to life like danger was always around the corner. That mindset doesn’t just shape my mood; it shapes what I tolerate. It shapes how I choose. It shapes who I think I am.
And I’ve seen how God heals in ways I didn’t expect. Sometimes it looks like me sitting down and crying a real cry—the kind where my heart feels like it’s about to burst—because I’m finally admitting, I don’t want to be this way anymore. I don’t want to keep relying on my own devices. I don’t want to keep living from survival instead of love.
I remember asking God for confirmation—begging Him to send a stranger, somebody, anybody, just to say something to me. And then God answered me in the most specific way: a stranger spoke to me like God had been listening the whole time. And I was undone, because He had been.
Then life shook. Things fell apart. It felt like everything went downhill. But even that opened my eyes: God wasn’t abandoning me—He was waking me up. He was pulling me out of bitterness. He was moving me toward healing, even if the process looked messy.
I’m learning that healing is a decision. Not a mood. Not a trend. A decision.
And the more I let God do His job in me, the more I start to live like love is actually possible—because God is a true healer, and He’s patient with my process.
Prompts
What “war mindset” did you learn growing up, and how has it shaped what you tolerate today?
Where do you notice negativity showing up as a reflex rather than the truth?
What does consistent prayer change in you—your thoughts, your standards, your identity?
Is there an area of your life where you’ve been relying on your own devices instead of letting God lead?
What would it look like to choose healing today, even if you don’t feel ready?
Listen
Listen to the episode.