Love after Trauma
Do you love me
Do you love me
Do you love me
Yes, how much
How much do you love me
Do you love me enough to stay
“Stay away” is what I wanted to say
But your love draws me in close
It’s your love that I boast in
Until that sting causes me to sing a different song
I used to love love songs
But the concept of love is so near yet far to me
It’s not fair to me how you keep filling my mind with memories
While flirting from behind with entities
Can’t we be stable?
I’m unable to keep pushing in this life
’Cause I’m punishing every part of me
I lie just to keep the secrets in
Men’s condition, appearance, lone wolf spirit
It’s me falling in sin, failing to win
Chosen as kin, but I fear it
How can I go near it?
How can I let Him wash my dirty feet
When I’m often knee-deep, but not in prayer
Weighed on the scales of justice
But trust this, I’m not a good candidate
Candy and cheap dates for my Lord
While an encounter with Him was my cure
Years of saying, “No, I’m not ready.
No, I’m not clean.
No, choose anyone else but me.”
I’m a fiend
I opened my mouth and spoke
Opened my heart and He redeemed
I had to let it all go
It was harder than it seemed
I was more comfortable in sin
Than comfortable in my own skin
I never understood what it meant
To be looked at as precious
When all I heard or wondered was
Should I even be given a second chance?
A second glance?
After trauma filled my head with lies
A flower bed of love I laid down in
But this love after trauma
Seemed ruthlessly disguised
To take my life
Or at least keep me stalled from my destiny
I was destined to be great
But the process was not what I thought it would be
I had to bow down to be lifted
Then with a humble heart I was gifted
True eyes recognize lies
Hidden in the depths of souls
Riding the wave of unfamiliar territory
Disguised as normal
False connections to gods with no power
Weak idols trying to rival the Guide
The One who quenched my desperate search
For love in another man
When did You have time to find me
And also… why me?
I used to ask, “Do you love me?”
To another man
Hoping his plans included me
Hoping he prioritized me
But now I ask, “Do You love me?”
To the One who created me
I lay my head in His bosom
And trust that in my toughest moments
My deepest insecurities
He has me
Does He love me?
Does He love me?
Does He love me?
Yes, He loves me at my worst
And He loves me at my best
This piece represents the love of a Father and daughter
Friends together, moving as one
One knows the other cares
One knows they will always be there
Together, they are stronger than apart.
Reflection & Context
This piece lives in the tension between shame and surrender, between the desire to be loved and the fear of being fully seen. It traces the inner dialogue of a heart that has learned to equate love with striving, hiding, and self-protection, now being confronted by a love that asks for nothing but honesty.
It explores how trauma can distort our ability to receive affection, how sin and secrecy can make us question our worth, and how spiritual intimacy often feels more vulnerable than romantic closeness. The voice in this poem is learning that divine love does not withdraw when we are broken, confused, or unclean — it draws nearer.
At its core, this piece is about the transition from asking humans to validate our existence to resting in the unwavering love of the One who created it. It is the moment when love is no longer something to perform for, but something to be held by.
Reflection Prompt
Where have you questioned your worth because of your past?
What would it look like to believe you are loved without needing to prove that you are worthy of it?
Original Performance
This piece was originally performed as part of the Lips & Poetry series, where spoken word meets lived experience. Watch the original recording below to hear the rhythm, breath, and emotion that first carried these words.