Two weeks
Two weeks is all I had to be sad and mourn the life I thought I knew
Two weeks was all I had after my life was ripped apart and the loss began to start to take shape in my life
I had turned down my responsibilities as a future wife
I had to quickly remove the knife from those around who doubted and mocked
My life was rocked in places that I didn’t even know possible and I had to start from the ground up
But where do I go?
Where do you go when yu feel like God has said no and like life has sucked all the energy out
It was a blessing they let me out of my lease without penalty but the moment that felt sweet turned sour because I had two weeks to pack up my entire life and leave
At first all I felt was pain but now I believe that although I saw rain it was the sun that kept me moving and it wasn’t in vain
I had to be quick with my decisions
Couldn’t wallow in my sorrow
Or take the time to pack the pain
Anything I gained without meaning I gave away
And everything I knew would keep me sane I saved for one of em dark days ahead
If I could have bled right next to him I said I would have but love pulled me through
Compassion made me new
The objects objected being objectified
But I said for the most part, you’re just stuff
Not living, breathing or controlling my decisions
Great memories of a childhood filled with happiness
A home filled with laughter
A moment of disaster turned
To a moment filled with peace
My new lease on life was to give it all to Jesus
Cause He knew the better way
I sat and cried but knew that pride would have won if I stayed in that position and lied
To myself I would hide
The shame of being a childless mother
A homeless daughter
A broken and broke individual with no identity
Cause sometimes we identify with the things around us
The home we live in
The clothes we fit in
The people who accept us
Except this was not the way it was meant to be
I was loosing my security
I was loosing the things that felt secure to me
My home was an extension of me
Not jus an apartment or a place to be
It was me
Why was it being taken away from me?
Why did I feel forced in to being a vagabond?
Everything I acquired in boxes to be put in storage
My memory box couldn’t store it no more when
I was left with my own half of a couch to sleep on
At least it felt familiar but
I kept on telling myself it’s not true
Nothing felt real to me
The destiny of the rest of me felt iffy
But watching the moving trucks was my reality
No more joyful moments and picture walls
No more dinners and hearing yelling in the halls
It felt like I had been sentenced to a life of loss
A life of quiet
A life where it felt too risky to try it
Try again
Build again
Smile again
Trust again
A life where I could feel stable and in my own home
Everything and Everywhere felt temporary
Felt like it wasn’t meant to be
Felt like I was trying to get back to me
Life had humbled me
No kid
No house
No money
Ain’t life funny?
I had breath but for how long?
The attacks made sure that I counted my days and the nights of darkness felt extra long
The only thing that kept me going was a prayer on my lips and a heart full of songs
The whispers of me losing everything rang deep
For years I stayed in a place of solitude and forced to weep
Yet I kept telling myself to hold on and keep trusting, keep forgiving, keep loving, keep seeking
There was a leaping in my heart when I heard a word, it was the voice of God
Loud
Clear as day
Reached down to me say
I’m restoring everything
I cried silently yet enthusiastically wrote it down
It was a great reminder to me that sometimes the things we loose
Leave a hole in our hearts
But nothing can compare to the feeling of letting it all go in lieu of a brand new start
Whatever you’re holding on to jus know that God can give better
At a moment when I needed him most
He visited me
He Spoke to me
And reminded me that those two weeks was not in vain
It was to save me from holding on to the pain pass the due date
Thus changing my date with grief and destiny
I may have buried and lost a piece of me
But the rest of me still had a bright future
And honestly it’s rumoured to be pretty amazing
I’m praising Him now for what I can’t see
Cause this victory means more to me than all the hurt that tried to follow me and swallow me
We don’t have to stay in the hand that life seems to have dealt us
I knelt down and took a posture of surrender
I lended my heart to the father who mended its broken pieces and gave it back to me so I say to you now
Flee from grief and stay in peace
That is the only way
To be free from loss
And the weight of justice
Trust this
Cause it hits different when you’re filled with joy
