Over 10 years ago I was diagnosed as a high functioning depressed person
Can anyone tell me what that means?
No, well It means that the insurance adjuster felt justified when she lied and verbally attacked me
Attacking my ability to fend for myself and speak the truth that I felt inside
Why could my sister hear her voice through the phone in the next room?
A piece of me felt like it died when she insinuated that I was lazy
That I was not putting in the right effort
That I was content staying in the state I was in as if I called this upon myself
That the crippling anxiety wasn’t a good enough reason to provide me grace and approve benefits
As if those benefits were from her own personal pocket
She rocked my soul pressing decline when I had therapy lined up but not in time to satisfy her timeline
This is a letter to the industry
Not all of us are trying to scam the system
Jus because I don’t want your medications
In my body doesn’t mean I’m magically capable of getting back to life as usual
Just because I was 25 doesn’t mean I havent gone through traumatic experiences that some 60 year olds may never get the pleasure of experiencing
Trauma isn’t only for the old but it happens despite age, sex or religion and only a small percentage of those make it through
Make is through to breathe another day
To Fight another way
To Try to keep a play in place that will move us forward to a state of being victorious in our healing and not sinking in debilitating darkness and no hope
Hoping that the destiny I couldn’t see would become clearer to me as I made the conscious decisions to seek better for myself
Not forced into choosing my job or my mental health
Or Spiritual wealth
Or navigating the hand I was dealt
Can you see me?
Or does my life not matter if I’m not filled with overflowing tears while cutting my hands in the process
Why is it only the talk of suicide that garners help?
Why is it not my self awareness and my consciousness of my spiraling that raised red flags to get the issue dealt with before it was too late?
Too late was the state that I mentally felt I was in when they said I was capable of winning this thing in my own
They were wrong
It wasn’t me being strong that helped me get through
It wasn’t me being ignorant that prolonged the pain in my mind and stress on my chest
It wasn’t me choosing this
Loosing a job due to my body being in an altered state was a fate that I wished i could change
But there we were
Me looking at my phone is disbelief
Crying silently at the lasting violations
And feeling so beneath
It’s been 10 years and I still remember the fresh wounds that the working industry and insurance companies imposed on me
I promised that when the time was right
I would shine the light on manulife and every other insurance company that deny unjustly the benefits we paid into but when the time came to pay they found reasons to disconnect, and distance themselves
Hiding behind incompetent managers and agents who forgot the most cardinal rule
Do unto others and you want done unto you
The compassion they be lacking is the foundation for the strength that carries me through
Through everything I’ve been through I’m glad I held on
Glad I kept my heart on the song of determination
There is a nation of ppl silenced through their toughest moments because of ppl with no patience and understanding
Understanding that they are just one tragedy away from being in my same shoes
Some ppl loose their jobs and loose their minds
Never mind the amount of ppl who stay in abusive situations to avoid the labels and mishaps
Whenever you happen to be assigned to someone to help them,
Your personal opinion of them is never meant to be part of the debate
Never abuse the power that has been handed to you cause yu will always face fate
A date with destiny had me in the hands of a God who pulled me through,
And this is my prayer for all those who have had to go through the fights, the arguments, the settlements, and the mean bosses
The losses you suffer cannot compare to the wins life will eventually bring your way
Trust God and Stay focused
Hate can choke us but Love looks different in many stages
Cause it will turn the wages in your favour
Dear saviour, I got another battle for you to fight for me
And I got another wrong for you to write for me
